Sonnet: Dauntless

[honorat]

by Honorat

Summary: A Sonnet! For the Pirate poetry meme! I blame geek_mama_2 for bringing this to my attention. My last 10-page chapter "Night Passage" in “Aboard the Dauntless” summarized into fourteen lines. My very first Petrarchan sonnet with the volte coming after the octave. Do I ever feel Renaissancey!



Blindly, she flings her hull against the night,
Fragile wood, reckless of ravening stone.
A creature tormented, her timbers groan.
Close-hauled and heeling hard, daring this flight
Into oblivion, through head seas’ bite,
She claws the current’s threat. The dark waves moan
And dash her decks. A banshee wails—the lone
Wind knifes her canvas, stinging, like cold fright.
She shudders. But his calm hand on her wheel
Asks her to trust that with him she will swing
Through wind and thunder's roar. Soon will her keel
Caress calm waters, soft breezes will sing
In her white sails. “Hold on, love.” A bell’s peal,
Fierce as her own heart, this stranger’s words ring.

Comments

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

I love the alliteration in this, as I told you. Very well done.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

You know, you're right. There's a lot of alliteration in there. I wonder if I planned that? I mostly remember wrestling with iambic pentameter, counting syllables, and arranging that abbaabbacdcdcd rhyme scheme. I'm glad the word choice worked.

[kellan_the_tabby]

Okay...

Wow.

I always admire someone who can put that much _feeling_ and story into a fixed-form poem like a sonnet. Free verse is hard enough, but this stuff...

Very, very nice work.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm not normally a writer of fixed form poetry. Actually, I don't usually write poetry at all. This is an anomaly. What helped was already having the story written and the feeling and imagery there to plunder. Then it was just a matter of deciding on the rhyme. Really great rhyming poetry can't be beat. I love Shakespeare and Tennyson. But it takes some work. I'm glad you liked this.

[sparky-darky.livejournal.com]

I think it must be Fate-- she hates me. I come home from an entire day of English literature and Keats and his versions of others peoples' styles (thank God he finally made his own... >_<) and find... this.

Though of course, your poem is far more enjoyable and far less depressing. I find it quite admirable how your style did not feel at all restricted in a fixed-style poem, and also how well the rhyme scheme works. Petrarchan sonnets rarely work in English in my mind, but only in Italian.

Once again, ship personification is one of my favourite elements of your work. You have managed to capture the danger and tenseness of the scene, whilst making the Dauntless seem so vulnerable whilst being fearless. I also liked the image of a banshee-- it added to the unnatural atmosphere, and really amplified the idea of a threat.

The change of tone in the sestet came across well-- the sibilance in 'caress' and 'soft' etcetera made for a much more gentle atmosphere. It's interesting how Jack conjures up that kind of aura, but then I suppose it's the mark of a patient but brave person that can guide a clumsy ship through a ferocious storm for fifteen hours...

[honorat.livejournal.com]

The curse of the Petrarchan Sonnet strikes again! Mwaaahaaahahaahaa! The gallant Sparky-Darky must defend herself from a hail of iambs all the while avoiding the treacherous rhyme schemes and the deadly caesurae. Not to mention the insidious melancholy of the dying Romantics. Will she survive? Tune in next week when the Perils of Pentameter will be battled again by our fearless heroine!

I've been teaching Romantic Lit, so some of it must be rubbing off. The problem with the Petrarchan sonnet is having to find so many words that rhyme without sounding like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel and being ludicrous.

I'm glad this was better than Keats--did that sound like hubris? (ducks lightning bolts of the gods). He does go on to write some achingly beautiful poetry. I do like his sonnet "On Looking into Chapman's Homer".

The Dauntless is growing on me. I'm really rather fond of her. Writing this in her point of view was not in the plans, but the muse is a bit of a tyrant. Thanks for letting me know her personality is coming out--"vulnerable whilst being fearless"--yes, that's her.

That "aura" is how Jack seems to me whenever he looks at a ship he wants. That ending where he goes to the Pearl's wheel like a bridegroom to his beloved . . . *Melt* No wonder they do their best for him.

[sparky-darky.livejournal.com]

I am printing that first part out and sticking it in the front of my English coursework folder! ^^ That really made me laugh. Unfortunately, when I go to University I will have even more to do with Romantic poets, particularly if I get into Warwick... I suppose I bring it on myself, really.

I love most of Keats' sonnets, particularly '...Homer' and 'On Sitting Down to Read King Lear Once Again'. I love the odes as well-- they just seem more original and personal, and that's when his genuine talent comes out. But I'm getting sidetracked.

That's an interesting metaphor of Jack and the Pearl-- and one that fits so well. The ships really are very intriguing characters, and writing from their points of view is so fresh in a fandom that is, for the majority, not that full of decent fanfiction. Luckily, there are some real gems out there!

[thekestrel.livejournal.com]

"Hold on, love." Fierce as her own heart, this stranger's words ring. Wonderfully done - I can't do poetry this well. You've given the Dauntless her due, and so to has Jack. I wonder - will she miss him?

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Poetry is not my usual production, but I'm glad you liked this. Yes the Dauntless is a gallant ship, and Jack knows how to talk a ship into doing her best. I'd like to think she will miss him a little, but not the kind of passage he's convinced her to try. Thanks for the comment.

[ladyhamilton.livejournal.com]

*flail* This is amazingly wonderful! I am in awe of your poetic skill. Must go read the story now...

[honorat.livejournal.com]

*blushes and bows* Thank you kindly. I was a bit surprised when this showed up. I'm not normally a poet, so it's nice to know you liked this. I hope you enjoy the story as well.

A decent excuse to use this icon...

[myystic.livejournal.com]

Hey, a Petrarchan sonnet! I, for the life of me, cannot write Petrarchan sonnets. Half way through I always wind up forgetting that I'm supposed to be doing so, and I mince pentameters and forget the rhyme scheme (usually in the form of an ending cuplet). The result is never pretty, and usually (when read aloud) sounds like bad Beatnick poetry or--worse--amateur hip-hop. So kudos first go for form and function here.

And, as a free-verse writer, I must admire someone who can pack that much punch into measured lines like that. You convey the chapter beautifully and with lovely images in the most rigid poetry form invented. Counting syllables, lines, AND rhythm? My head hurts just thinking about the effort.

Re: A decent excuse to use this icon...

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Fixed-form poetry is very much not my usual style, but since this one, I've written several sonnets. My system is to start with a series of images that capture the scene and then look for words I like and make lists of rhymes. A rhyming dictionary would be of use, but I don't have one. The trouble with Petrarchan sonnets is that there are so many of the same rhyme. So the lists are helpful for finding sequences of words. I tried to keep them related to sailing. Then when I had my end words, I started trying to make lines that would lead to those words. It was rather complicated but fun. The iambic pentameter came after I had the phrases and it took me many edits since I have no rhythm.

I'm delighted that after all that it still had emotional impact! Thank you so much.