Pirate Carol: Jack’s Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas

[honorat]

by Honorat
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Blame it on the rum!
Summary: This doggerel muse has got to be deep-sixed. I can't stop writing execrable poetry! Beverage Alert!

* * * * *

Jack’s Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas (to the tune of I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas)

I gave his girl a corset strip,
Is he upset with me!
I commandeered a Navy ship.
Somebody snitched on me.

I shed those chains and broke each link,
Let the Interceptor sink,
Jumped the walls into the drink;
He’s right incensed with me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
James and the Navy are mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

I always had ten times his style.
Was he upset with me!
I showed up on that treasure isle.
Somebody snitched on me!

I ate an apple from his bowl,
Stole a coin and sold my soul,
Shot his chest with a great big hole;
He’s right irate at me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
Hector Barbossa is mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

I used Will Turner for a bait.
Is she upset with me!
I left that kiss until too late!
Am I upset with me!

I took her hostage on the dock,
Told her my stories were just talk,
Had her restrained under a lock;
She’s right outraged at me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
Elizabeth Swann is mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

Hey! I was merely an almost innocent bystander!
I’ll just be borrowin’ those gifts without permission!
CJS

Comments

[the-dala.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. That is brilliant.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Hee! Glad you liked it. Jack has been a bad little pirate. I suppose he'd like kohl in his stocking? *Shoots doggerel muse*

[silly-walk.livejournal.com]

Man, I think order_of_chaos did a sparrington carrol with the same title last year... trippy.
But this one is very good too!

[silly-walk.livejournal.com]

I must be on some form of a hallucinogen because i can't find anything like that anywhere... my apologies!!!!

[order_of_chaos]

Not that hallucinogens are bad, or anything ... :P
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=order_of_chaos&keyword=Carols+of+Chaos&filter=all

[silly-walk.livejournal.com]

I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY!!!!
(I tried looking and couldn't find them)

[order_of_chaos]

Their existence is hardly proof of your sanity, however. *grins* I should do more of them.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Jack does seem to be made to order for that song. Thanks for commenting.

[order_of_chaos]

Ha! Loved this. Did a Sparrington version of it myself last year - it's a perfect song for it.
And your one's canon!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I checked yours out. Quite hilarious, particularly the wig-eating pig! Canonical Carolling--that's me.

[demishock.livejournal.com]

You are my HERO.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

*bows* I'm fast and sure and fresh from the fight, too! Ha! Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed a little Christmas cheer.

[demishock.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Bonnie Tyler song... * . *

But yes, I like to parody songs (on the fly; listening to the radio and such), but you got the syllable count dead-on and everything. ^_^

[honorat.livejournal.com]

I once had to parody John Dryden's MacFlecknoe for a class. After doing four pages of heroic couplets in 18th century language, anything else seems relatively simple. The things we do to get out of a paper assignment!

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

Hee!
Fun!
Squee!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

*Smirk* We must pervert this genre at every opportune moment! Thanks.

[elessil.livejournal.com]

ROFL! I love the whole carol and then the end! Aye, CJS!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Yes, if no one's giving presents this year, what's a dishonest pirate to do but pilfer his own. I'm glad you liked this bit of silliness.

[sparky-darky.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to have to learn all of these, so I can have an all-new repertoire of Christmas songs to alleviate from the usuals ^^

This original must have been written for Jack-- seriously!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

I'm busily rewriting more, so it gets worse! Christmas will never be the same.

Yes, the original is definitely Jack as a kid! "I did a dance on mommy's plants, filled the sugar bowl with ants, climbed a tree and tore my pants" Oh yeah, that would be mini-Jack Sparrow.

[thekestrel.livejournal.com]

Bad, bad, pirate Jack - heeeee, I love finding pirate Christmas songs in the morning. And yeah, Jack would love finding kohl in his stocking, how else is he going to get it? Ah - well, he could pinch it from Scarlette. Another keeper.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Oh no! I just had a perfectly horrific vision of a parody of Bad Bad Leroy Brown! How can you do this to me?! Will this never-to-be-sufficiently-despised muse ever leave me alone?

Love the picture of Jack stealing Scarlet's make-up--no wonder she slaps him! LOL. Thank you so much for the comment.

[(Anonymous)]

Your welcome for the insparation - and the tune - LOL :) Now you have to write it - don't you?

[thekestrel.livejournal.com]

Shoot I replied with out logging on - last comment is mine. Sorry.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Ah the joys of LJ. I suppose the bloody freakin' muse will not be denied. It's hopping around waving "It's My Hanging and I'll Laugh if I Want To!" now!!!!!!

[thekestrel.livejournal.com]

Great!!! Now you have that "tune" bopping around in my head! Thanks! :) I think I sense another Jack Christmas, or other song, on the LJ agenda. I'll be looking for it. LOL

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Did I not comment on this??? Too clever by half. More! More! More! I love your Doggeral Muse!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Frosty the Snowman is well on his way to being pirated! LOL! My Doggeral Muse loves you!

[galadhir.livejournal.com]

I don't know the original of this, but I rather love it on its own. Henceforth this will *be* the original in my eyes :)

[honorat.livejournal.com]

The original is quite amusing, but this song was written to be sung by Jack Sparrow. It's just so true. He ain't been nothin' but bad! LOL.

[benevolentround.livejournal.com]

Hee hee.

[honorat.livejournal.com]

Made you laugh! Ha! Thanks.

[benevolentround.livejournal.com]

It did indeed. :)