Pirate Carol: Jack’s Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas

[honorat]

by Honorat
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Blame it on the rum!
Summary: This doggerel muse has got to be deep-sixed. I can't stop writing execrable poetry! Beverage Alert!

* * * * *

Jack’s Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas (to the tune of I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas)

I gave his girl a corset strip,
Is he upset with me!
I commandeered a Navy ship.
Somebody snitched on me.

I shed those chains and broke each link,
Let the Interceptor sink,
Jumped the walls into the drink;
He’s right incensed with me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
James and the Navy are mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

I always had ten times his style.
Was he upset with me!
I showed up on that treasure isle.
Somebody snitched on me!

I ate an apple from his bowl,
Stole a coin and sold my soul,
Shot his chest with a great big hole;
He’s right irate at me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
Hector Barbossa is mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

I used Will Turner for a bait.
Is she upset with me!
I left that kiss until too late!
Am I upset with me!

I took her hostage on the dock,
Told her my stories were just talk,
Had her restrained under a lock;
She’s right outraged at me.

I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas.
Elizabeth Swann is mad.
I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas,
‘Cause I ain’t been nothin’ but bad.

* * * * *

Hey! I was merely an almost innocent bystander!
I’ll just be borrowin’ those gifts without permission!
CJS

Comments

[sparky-darky.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to have to learn all of these, so I can have an all-new repertoire of Christmas songs to alleviate from the usuals ^^

This original must have been written for Jack-- seriously!

[honorat.livejournal.com]

I'm busily rewriting more, so it gets worse! Christmas will never be the same.

Yes, the original is definitely Jack as a kid! "I did a dance on mommy's plants, filled the sugar bowl with ants, climbed a tree and tore my pants" Oh yeah, that would be mini-Jack Sparrow.